


When Worlds Crash & Slash

by squidgie



Category: Deadpool (2016)
Genre: Community: comment_fic, Crack, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-20
Updated: 2016-04-20
Packaged: 2018-06-03 10:52:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 665
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6607990
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/squidgie/pseuds/squidgie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In this hefty dose of crack!fic, Deadpool wants to fuck Ryan Reynolds.  Yes, seriously.</p>
            </blockquote>





	When Worlds Crash & Slash

**Author's Note:**

  * For [tigriswolf](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tigriswolf/gifts).



> Oh god... So this is total crack, based on tigriswolf's prompt: Deadpool (2016), Wade Wilson/Ryan Reynolds, hitting on the actor who plays your fictional self in a world where you're fictional is (somehow) still not the oddest thing that's ever happened to Wade

"Come on, dude. You _know_ you want to."

Ryan's head nodded yes, but his voice popped out an unexpected, "Nope. Sorry. Can't do it..." 

"What the fuck, dude?" Deadpool asks, muttering, "God damn cocktease," under his breath.

Holding up his ring finger, Ryan says, "Can't dude. Sorry, but I'm married." Ryan looks at the camera and says, "He should buy that. Right?"

Deadpool shakes his head and places his hands on his hips. "Look, I'm _basically_ you, right?"

Considering it, Ryan nods.

"Okay, so think of it like masturbation. You're not really cheating if you're masturbating yourself, right?" 

And fuck if Deadpool isn't making some sort of sense, in his own cracked out way. Ryan considers it. "So, like," Ryan stalls. "What would we do?"

"Oh, I'm fucking that tight little ass of yours," Deadpool says as he starts to remove his gear belt and hidden weapons. "I mean we've _both_ been curious-"

"Well _you_ were the one that got pegged in the movie, so maybe _you_ -" Ryan starts to protest. But Deadpool cuts him off.

"Hey, that was a fucking dildo, man. _This_ ," he says, grabbing the outline of his engorged cock in the red spandex outfit, "is the real thing."

Ryan's mouth started to water, because he knew that cock. Been intimately aware of it since he was 14 years old and woke up sticky after dreams of a Dukes of Hazard orgy where Daisey Duke rode his cock while Bo and Luke tag-teamed his ass. After dreams of a foursome with Charlie's Angels turned extra-sexy when Bosley joined in. And especially after a sticky dream that involved almost the entire cast of The Facts of Life, Jo fucking him with a strapon while he shot his wad across Mrs. Garrett's boobs.

"Yeah, I'm in," he says, surprised to find that he was already hard.

Deadpool walks closer, first stripping out of the face mask, and _damn_ he was ugly. "Maybe... Maybe we can do this with the lights off," Ryan manages as Deadpool grips Ryan's cock through the material of his trousers. 

Deadpool stops, crossing his arms for a moment, then shakes his head. He raises his arms, putting them on Ryan's shoulders, leans in and then says, "Just turn around. And if you're a good boy, I'll give you a rimjob."

Since he hadn't had a proper rimjob in years, Ryan dutifully complies, feeling his trousers being cut away, and god damn where did Deadpool pull that knife from? But he doesn't have time to protest before he feels a warm, silky tongue against his hole, and he lets out an unexpected moan as calloused fingers caress his ballsack.

It feels like hours that Deadpool has been down there, using first his tongue, teeth, and then a finger or two. Ryan grooves to the feeling, his cock leaking with each nip, each touch, but as quickly as it started, the sensation disappears. But he doesn't have to wait long before he feels Deadpool's skin plastered against his own sweat-streaked back, a throbbing cockhead pressing urgently against his perineum. "You ready for me?" Deadpool whispers into his ear before biting it gently.

"Yeah, yeah... Come on. Do it!" Ryan breathlessly heaves. 

And then there's the gentle glide of foreskin against his ass, then he gasps as he feels like he's being split in two by a tree trunk. "Oh god," he manages as Deadpool pushes further, Ryan taking what feels like his entire cock. "God, it feels so big," Ryan breathlessly says.

Deadpool leans forward, whispering, "And that's only half of it." And then suddenly there's an overwhelming feeling of fullness as more and more cock pushes into his ass, taking his breath away and nearly obliterating his prostate. 

"What the hell?" Ryan asks as he tries to turn back. But Deadpool keeps him faced forward, whimpering until he finally feels the silky hairs of Deadpools balls against his ass.

Giggling madly, Deadpool just bites Ryan's ear and then whispers, "Super penis!"


End file.
